I don’t want to hear it anymore.
I am tired of hearing 'How lucky they are to have you,’ after explaining my sons are adopted. Like I’m some sort of wonderful person that did a great deed by taking in these poor unfortunate kids. I’m sure the people that say that have good intentions and mean it as a compliment, but they don’t understand.
My sons are not the lucky ones. They are the ones that were removed from the care of their birth parents. Parents who loved them very much, but were simply unable to care for themselves or children. They are the ones that were bounced around from place to place for eight months. Buddy is the one that was terrified of anything new since it may have meant another move. He is the one who screamed and tried to climb the walls when I put bubbles in the bathtub. Sport is the one who wasn’t able to form an attachment to anyone until he was nine months old. He is the one who didn’t learn how to smile at anyone or make eye contact until he was almost 12 months old. They are the ones who were traumatized. They are the ones who will grow up with all the questions, about siblings that might be out there, about an unknown father, about why their mother did not make better choices, and about a hundred other things I’m sure I haven’t even thought of. They have a different life now, but who is to say that it will be better?
I wouldn’t call them the lucky ones. I am.
I am the one that gets to watch them grow and heal from what they faced after being removed. They smile and laugh and love and I get to be there. I get to hear wild tales about sharks in Wal Mart and watch little fingers figure out shirt buttons. I see them everyday and realize how incredibly lucky and fortunate I am to have them in my life and to hear them call me mom.
I am tired of hearing 'How lucky they are to have you,’ after explaining my sons are adopted. Like I’m some sort of wonderful person that did a great deed by taking in these poor unfortunate kids. I’m sure the people that say that have good intentions and mean it as a compliment, but they don’t understand.
My sons are not the lucky ones. They are the ones that were removed from the care of their birth parents. Parents who loved them very much, but were simply unable to care for themselves or children. They are the ones that were bounced around from place to place for eight months. Buddy is the one that was terrified of anything new since it may have meant another move. He is the one who screamed and tried to climb the walls when I put bubbles in the bathtub. Sport is the one who wasn’t able to form an attachment to anyone until he was nine months old. He is the one who didn’t learn how to smile at anyone or make eye contact until he was almost 12 months old. They are the ones who were traumatized. They are the ones who will grow up with all the questions, about siblings that might be out there, about an unknown father, about why their mother did not make better choices, and about a hundred other things I’m sure I haven’t even thought of. They have a different life now, but who is to say that it will be better?
I wouldn’t call them the lucky ones. I am.
I am the one that gets to watch them grow and heal from what they faced after being removed. They smile and laugh and love and I get to be there. I get to hear wild tales about sharks in Wal Mart and watch little fingers figure out shirt buttons. I see them everyday and realize how incredibly lucky and fortunate I am to have them in my life and to hear them call me mom.
Oh this has me in tears... I would say you are all extremely blessed to have each other.. and it's wonderful to know, you are the lucky one! What gifts they are indeed!
Beautiful Kristine. Beautiful.
Thank you both. And it has me in tears everytime I think about how far they have come. I am a lucky woman.
This is a beautiful and moving post. Wow, do you have a way with words. I need a kleenex!
You are all lucky to have each other, no doubt... But, you know what, those are some especially lucky little dudes to have you... And not because you "rescued them" or whatever... Because you get what it's all about. You see the beauty and the humor in them, you see the pride swelling on their little faces when they learn something new... You cherish all the little things. The good and the bad. You soak it all in and savor it. Welcome to Mommydom, my friend. You certainly make one hell of an addition.
Thank you. I don't know what else to say but that. Thank you.
I totally agree with More Wine - you are all lucky to have each other. I too am adopted - and I can't tell you the questions I have dodged over the years. Or the boldness of what people will ask when they find out.
May the best be with all of you each and every day as the kids move forward and you help them heal.
Oh, I didn't read Shannie's comment - so true! You appreciate what wonderfun little men these kids are!
Speaking of boldness on what people will ask...Being adopted I wonder about your opinion on birth certificates? I'm fortunate enough to have copies of both boys' original birth certificates but I'm a little unnerved by the fact that when we get the new certs they will have my name listed as the birth mother. I hate the idea of erasing their history and replacing it with a false one.
I would like to see a seperate line added for 'adoptive parent'. What I wonder though is what my boys would want? What is your opinion if you don't mind my asking.