I haven't posted in quite a while and this time not because it was all quiet on the home front. My world has been pretty busy lately and lots of big things going on. My sister was married the weekend before last so we drove to that. It was amazing. Jay and I flew across the country last weekend because he received a huge award, tons of fun. My best friends mom is a nut job but I learned something new last week and it has made me insanely angry with her. I've never wanted to punch and old lady until now.
All of these things require their own post but right now I have to deal with this. Child protective services (CPS) just called me from another state. They just recently removed Tiger from his mother and found my number in her case file. Even this early in the case they can tell he will be moved into foster care then onto adoption.
It's very difficult to get my brain to stay on track right now and my emotions are tumbling every which way. This moment, right now, is something I've thought about since I found out she was pregnant again. It's an awful thing, but it was pretty obvious that eventually CPS would have to step in.
Thing is, I didn't think much past this point. There is so much. What I want more than anything for the boys is for them to know their biological family. It has tormented me that they have a brother out there that we didn't have contact with.
Now we will be able to have visits with him and get to know him. But there is so much more to think about. The biggest thing, can we be his adoptive resource?
Just saying it freaks me out a little. This question is so big for me it's very difficult to think about all at once. I have to break it down in parts. I'm nearly overwhelmed with two but it's getting easier. Things seem to be falling place and most days things run smoothly. We are a one to one ratio of kids to adults.
What about cars? Neither one of our cars will fit three car seats, well, mine might. I just bought my car so I could foster the boys in the first place. We would likely have to replace both.
Daycare would be the second largest expense. The County would pay for part of that and they send a check every month for additional expenses. But that still leaves a lot for us to make up. Times are already hard.
It would be three kids.
Three.
And we want to have one ourselves. Three young children and a baby!?
That gives me brain freeze and scares the crap out of me.
We would be back to County having a say in our lives. I just got free of that less than a month ago.
Also, he is developmentally delayed. Although he turns two in August he has only just started walking two weeks ago. He does not speak. His motor skills are seriously delayed. He doesn't know how to play with toys. From what the investigator said they left him strapped in a chair for hours at a time.
My boys are tanks. They jump on each other, tackle, rough house, and generally abuse the crap out of each other. They would have to learn that would not be okay.
Three boys in one bedroom.
Here's an important one, what does Jay think? We'll talk tonight.
I'm freaking out a bit.
All of these things require their own post but right now I have to deal with this. Child protective services (CPS) just called me from another state. They just recently removed Tiger from his mother and found my number in her case file. Even this early in the case they can tell he will be moved into foster care then onto adoption.
It's very difficult to get my brain to stay on track right now and my emotions are tumbling every which way. This moment, right now, is something I've thought about since I found out she was pregnant again. It's an awful thing, but it was pretty obvious that eventually CPS would have to step in.
Thing is, I didn't think much past this point. There is so much. What I want more than anything for the boys is for them to know their biological family. It has tormented me that they have a brother out there that we didn't have contact with.
Now we will be able to have visits with him and get to know him. But there is so much more to think about. The biggest thing, can we be his adoptive resource?
Just saying it freaks me out a little. This question is so big for me it's very difficult to think about all at once. I have to break it down in parts. I'm nearly overwhelmed with two but it's getting easier. Things seem to be falling place and most days things run smoothly. We are a one to one ratio of kids to adults.
What about cars? Neither one of our cars will fit three car seats, well, mine might. I just bought my car so I could foster the boys in the first place. We would likely have to replace both.
Daycare would be the second largest expense. The County would pay for part of that and they send a check every month for additional expenses. But that still leaves a lot for us to make up. Times are already hard.
It would be three kids.
Three.
And we want to have one ourselves. Three young children and a baby!?
That gives me brain freeze and scares the crap out of me.
We would be back to County having a say in our lives. I just got free of that less than a month ago.
Also, he is developmentally delayed. Although he turns two in August he has only just started walking two weeks ago. He does not speak. His motor skills are seriously delayed. He doesn't know how to play with toys. From what the investigator said they left him strapped in a chair for hours at a time.
My boys are tanks. They jump on each other, tackle, rough house, and generally abuse the crap out of each other. They would have to learn that would not be okay.
Three boys in one bedroom.
Here's an important one, what does Jay think? We'll talk tonight.
I'm freaking out a bit.
WOW, what a tough decision. I hope the talk went well, and you have more comfort knowing the right decision for the two of you. Keep us posted. I will be thinking about you.
Yeah... Wow. So, what DID Jay say??? Please keep us up to date on what you guys are doing. you certainly do have a lot on your plate right now. HUGS!!!!!