Buddy has the saddest little face and he’s being quiet.
Me: What’s the matter Buddy?’
Buddy: ‘I’m sad do you know why I’m sad because I miss my daddy.’ Then he puts his head down on his arms and just sits there.
Me: Stumped. ‘Uh…’
I toss a panicked look at Jay across that table and change the subject.
What am I supposed to do with this?
My rational head realizes that the same conversation could have happened, and has before, replacing ‘I miss my daddy’ with ‘I wanted some candy.’ Buddy can be rather dramatic and in his 3 ½ year old world those things have equal weight. My heart however breaks for him and I agonize over what to do.
As far as I know Buddy’s father was out of the picture before he was born. The only father figure that has really been in his life is my boyfriend who has been here for almost as long as I’ve had the boys. Of course they use his name, not daddy. For the last four or five months Buddy has been on a real daddy kick. ‘My daddy is going to pick me up after school today, my daddy is going to take me there, I’m going to my daddy’s house.’ I get that he sees that his friends have dads and he wants one also. What I don’t know is how deeply this is affecting him or what to do about it.
Early on I told him his father's name and that seemed to help. He didn’t mention anything for a while but now it’s in full force and I wonder if this is a phase or if my little man really needs to identify with and have someone to call Dad. I wish I knew something more about his father besides his name. There is so much I know about his mother and I have contact with their maternal aunt. But he isn’t looking for a mom, he’s looking for something I can’t provide.
I think it might be time to start talking to him about adoption and who is bio mom is. Maybe then I can start to figure out how to explain to him that we don’t know his dad. I’ve been tempted for a while to go down to the shelter and try asking around about him. I don’t know if it would be worse to find him, or not. How amazing would that be if I did find him. Even just to talk to him, if he lets me, and even better to get a photo. I would be open to him having a relationship with Buddy depending on what kind of person he is.
Sport's father is my brother. He will grow up with whatever relationship he wants to have with him. I just wish I could give something to Buddy about his father besides a birth certificate. Like any parent, I just want to do right by my boys.
Me: What’s the matter Buddy?’
Buddy: ‘I’m sad do you know why I’m sad because I miss my daddy.’ Then he puts his head down on his arms and just sits there.
Me: Stumped. ‘Uh…’
I toss a panicked look at Jay across that table and change the subject.
What am I supposed to do with this?
My rational head realizes that the same conversation could have happened, and has before, replacing ‘I miss my daddy’ with ‘I wanted some candy.’ Buddy can be rather dramatic and in his 3 ½ year old world those things have equal weight. My heart however breaks for him and I agonize over what to do.
As far as I know Buddy’s father was out of the picture before he was born. The only father figure that has really been in his life is my boyfriend who has been here for almost as long as I’ve had the boys. Of course they use his name, not daddy. For the last four or five months Buddy has been on a real daddy kick. ‘My daddy is going to pick me up after school today, my daddy is going to take me there, I’m going to my daddy’s house.’ I get that he sees that his friends have dads and he wants one also. What I don’t know is how deeply this is affecting him or what to do about it.
Early on I told him his father's name and that seemed to help. He didn’t mention anything for a while but now it’s in full force and I wonder if this is a phase or if my little man really needs to identify with and have someone to call Dad. I wish I knew something more about his father besides his name. There is so much I know about his mother and I have contact with their maternal aunt. But he isn’t looking for a mom, he’s looking for something I can’t provide.
I think it might be time to start talking to him about adoption and who is bio mom is. Maybe then I can start to figure out how to explain to him that we don’t know his dad. I’ve been tempted for a while to go down to the shelter and try asking around about him. I don’t know if it would be worse to find him, or not. How amazing would that be if I did find him. Even just to talk to him, if he lets me, and even better to get a photo. I would be open to him having a relationship with Buddy depending on what kind of person he is.
Sport's father is my brother. He will grow up with whatever relationship he wants to have with him. I just wish I could give something to Buddy about his father besides a birth certificate. Like any parent, I just want to do right by my boys.
Wow that is so tough. 3 seems so young to have to deal with that. He must be wise beyond his years. Good Luck with your decisions. I know you will make the right ones.
Wow. Good luck! It's tough being a parent, but we all just do the best we can do... I'm loving your blog, btw... :-)